Older and Wiser

There is a reason older, wiser people just look at those of us who are younger as though we will get it 'some day.' They do not have words to explain that the things we think matter, do not. And perhaps they do not know exactly what matters, either." ~Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz

Wishing a Happy Birthday to my older (by 6 months), but not necessarily wiser, brother-in-law!

Resolutions...Day 2

So enough of the serious, boring resolution stuff. Time for resolutions that might really happen! That might really make my life better, happier, and more fulfilling.

Or not. Either way, here goes....I resolve to:

1. To download more podcasts from Relevant, Mars Hill , and NPR (ok, mostly "Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me") to listen to while I work out.
2. To never cut a bagel with our bread knife again. (Still wearing the bandaid from last week's thumb cut-- I'll make hubby do it)
3. To watch more YouTube videos. Especially involving pandas, bengal cats, and babies singing Broadway songs.
5. To smoke a hookah. And try more wine. (either cheer me on or pray for me--as you feel led)
6. To get into my comfy pants more quickly following work. Maybe I should just put them in the car.
7. To organize my sock drawer. And throw away the plethora of underwear that get pushed to the back of the drawer because they give me a wedgie. And use the word "plethora" more often.
8. To call my children more often just to talk. Even if it leads to them asking for money.
9. To try harder to appreciate people who have a different personality than me. (look out ISTJ's!)
10. To text less and call more. And not use "LOL" ever again. Ever.

Resolving

"So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other."
~President-Elect Barack Obama, in his acceptance speech, November 4th, 2008

Have you made any New Year's resolutions? I googled to find out the most common ones:
lose weight
get organized
get out of debt
learn something new
spend more time with family

"Getting out of debt" may top "losing weight" this year in the uncertain economic climate. I'm planning to work on both--consumerism is bad for our waistline and our pocketbooks!

"Help others" is actually on a lot of people's lists, but following through with such altruistic leanings can be tough. Last year I resolved to give someone a gift every week. I realized that most Christmases I can remember what I gave other people better than I can remember what I was given. It's not that I don't appreciate the gifts, it's just that I tend to spend a lot more time thinking about what people might like, and I enjoy watching them open a well-picked gift even more than I like getting one (maybe I just need to write more thank you notes, but then that's a post for another day!). The plan was to give inexpensive gifts, nothing major--just a little something to remind the recipients (sometimes anonymously) that someone cared about them. I gave a co-worker who liked fresh brewed tea a special tea cup. I gave a mentally challenged friend a craft kit she loved. I took a friend to lunch and treated. Nothing that cost me much in dollars or effort really, and the appreciation and thanks I received was rewarding. It was good to be reminded that I'm blessed and that I should share my blessings.

I don't remember exactly how long it lasted, but I know it wasn't more than a couple of months. Like most people that make resolutions, I slowly began to skip a week, then gradually just quit. Being a giver wasn't hard, remembering to be a giver was hard. You have to keep thinking about other people and what they might like and looking for opportunities to give. I don't think I consciously decided to stop-- I just let it go.

My husband is always reminding me that you need to have clearly defined goals if you want to accomplish something. I agree with that, but you also have to have stamina and determination to make a change and to follow through. They say it's good to have a friend to hold you accountable to your goals. Maybe I needed a 'giving buddy'--someone to spur me on to do good deeds and remind me of my promise.

It may be a tough year for you and me. "You never know what's coming for you..", says the mother in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. What ever the good Lord sends our way, let's all resolve to do what our soon-to-be new president suggests and " look after not only ourselves but each other". And if anyone needs a "giving buddy", let me know!

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." (1 John 3:16-18)

Merry Christmas to All

The Evening Prayer
from the book The Fire on the Hearth in Sleepy Hollow: A Christmas Poem of the Olden Time
(published in 1864)

" BUT now the hour draws near for prayer--
The father takes with reverent air
The Holy Book from well known place
And reads with inward prayer for grace
The holy Gospel's wondrous story--
How angels from the realms of glory
Appeared and sang at Jesus's birth--
"Good will to man and peace on earth"
Then each one kneeling by his chair
The patriarch leads the evening prayer
With earnest heart and simple word
And tremulous lips he thanks the Lord
He had to one so old as he
And sinful as he grieved to be
By blood bought mercy given leave
To see another Christmas eve
And oh to Heaven what praise there goes
Like fragrance from a broken rose
From the old patriarch's trembling prayer
For those who bow beside him there
His children and their children fair
With simple child like form of speech
Which never fails God's ear to reach
He prays that He who came to earth
To take our form by human birth
And knew the feelings of a child
And taught and died and reconciled
Offended Heaven and sinful man
Would by redeeming love and plan
Save him and his loved children all
From the sad ruin of the Fall--
Bring him and his their sins forgiven
To the bright Homestead built in heaven
And fill all years and every clime
With the good cheer of Christmas time"

A Reminder: What Christmas is All About

25 Years...Amazing

Happy Anniversary

(With love...to my love, my best friend)

Entangled

Our hearts grew

Softer

With tenderness

As we learned to read

Each other’s emotions

Interwoven

Our days grew

fuller

With wonder

As we shared

Each other’s dreams

Encircling

Our love grows

Stronger

With contentment

As we continue to be

Each other’s joy

Be Faithful

"The goal of faithfulness is not that we will do work for God, but that He will be free to do His work through us. God calls us to His service and places tremendous responsibilities on us. He expects no complaining on our part and offers no explanation on His part. God wants to use us as He used His own Son." ~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest (emphasis mine)

Just a reminder-- one I needed (sigh!)--to get my focus back on who I serve, rather than what I am doing to serve. Click the link to go to read the rest of a great entry in the daily devotional for today.

Latte or Cappuccino?

If you are one of those people who feels guilty about indulging your dollars for your favorite high priced coffee, check out this article at Lark News.
I hadn't visited this site for quite awhile, but it's great for tongue-in-cheek, slightly sarcastic humor poking (mostly) gently at Christian subculture.

On the other hand, I came across this book that might give you serious pause about your daily cup of joe.

The Reason Behind All This Time and Sand

Things I've done for work in the last couple of weeks:

• Fluffed and straightened limbs on a 14' Christmas tree
• Assembled and fluffed a 5 foot, 6 foot, and 7 foot tree
• Climbed on scaffolding and ladders to hang lights on 14' and 7' trees
• Got a splinter while climbing on scaffolding
• Shopped at 6 different Walmart stores and at least 4 Target stores
• Purchased black ski masks, industrial strength velcro, red umbrellas, gloves, 24 LED flashlights, 2 types of magnets, superballs, dog balls, tennis balls, mesh ball bags, 20+ yoga/pilates balls, 64 large (8" diameter) Christmas ornaments, 64 kickballs, Christmas tree lights, ribbon
• Deflated 15 inflated yoga balls by sitting on them and smashing the air out
• Super glued magnets onto large Christmas tree ornaments (didn't work--polarization is an unforgiving natural force)
• Cut and bent heavy gauge wire into Christmas ornament hooks. 64 of them.
• Painted a big wooden box bright Christmas green.

I need a manicure. My hands look like I've been playing with a grouchy cat. It's been a busy week, with tasks at work becoming more physical and more "under the gun" as the week wore on. I have to admit that it was hard to keep a good attitude at times. I wanted to be doing more creating and less intern-type tasks. I understand it's just the nature of being new kid on the block at the busiest time in the church calender year, but I had to keep fighting down "pitiful me" feelings of "isn't there someone else to do this?" and "this is not what I expected!"

The holidays prime you for reminiscing about "auld lang syne" even before the New Year arrives, and when you've had a year of change and new beginnings it's hard not to look back over your shoulder sometimes and say, "why can't it just be like it used to be?" It's hard not to miss the old times past where the kids happily spent time with us and even helped decorate the tree, I was enjoying most of my working relationships and felt a great level of competence and creative freedom in my work, and there was wonderful rapport with all our friends and family!

Ok, who am I kidding? While all of those were true maybe for brief moments, they weren't the norm. There are ebbs and flows in jobs and relationships. And some of those things are true even now--creative sharing, developing work relationships and friendships--and while the kids didn't help with the tree, they do seem to enjoy hanging out with us at least some of the time. So why the longing for the past?

There's a great song by one of my favorite artists, Sara Groves called "Painting Pictures of Egypt". The metaphor is from the story of the Israelites wandering in the desert in their long journey to the land God had promised them. They became so discouraged at one point they longed to go back to the place where they had been slaves. (Now, please! I'm not implying that where I came from was comparable to Egyptian slavery--just that it wasn't where God wanted me to stay!) Anyway, here's the chorus:

"I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacked
The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I"ve learned
And those roads closed off to me
While my back was turned "

Change is hard. I don't want to go back. But I do miss it.

Advent: Something Momentous

Advent: "The coming or arrival, especially of something extremely important or arrival that has been awaited (especially of something momentous)"

It seems like every year we are well into December before I break down (usually involving tears and frustration lashing out at loved ones) and go, hmmm...maybe I should consider doing something to help me focus spiritually on what the season means, rather than just my to-do list for the season. This year is no exception, but I did find a great online daily Advent devotional to help me this year. Called "Following the Star", it is a great way to get your focus back (thanks, Jenni!). It also seems to be free of "wise-men-still-seek-him, reason-for-the-season" cliches that tend to run amok in these things.

This week is our church's big Christmas "premiere"-a sort of dressiest dress rehearsal before the actual performances closer to Christmas day. Needless to say I'll be busy, but it's exciting to be part of something that thousands of people watch that has the potential to change how they look at Christmas and more importantly, how they view God. I've so far only seen bits and pieces of the whole program as I have been doing background support work to get things ready. I'm excited to see it as a whole! It feels momentous to me!

Strength for the Long Haul (Parenting)

Check out this great article over at internetmonk on parenting. I may be past the point of "raising" my children, but I still found some encouragement and good thoughts here. Even if we're grown ups, it doesn't mean we don't need to encourage others who are trying to raise good grow ups.

So, I'll also offer this word of encouragement from Colossians 1 (from The Message):

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."

Hang in there.

A Prayer for Thanksgiving

O God, when I have food,
help me to remember the hungry;

When I have work,
help me to remember the jobless;
When I have a home,
help me to remember those who have no home at all;
When I am without pain,
help me to remember those who suffer,
And remembering,
help me to destroy my complacency;
bestir my compassion,
and be concerned enough to help;
By word and deed,
those who cry out for what we take for granted.
Amen.

- Samuel F. Pugh (ordained minister of the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) for over 70 years)

"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?"

~Erma Bombeck

Don't Freak Out

For those in ministry who are already in the throws of Christmas planning madness, I offer this quote. I've lost the author's name, but I find it comforting on those days when I'm ready to get off the rollercoaster ride and just sit on the bench. It reminds me that God has called me to this work and life and that I am called to be different.

"Accept that your life is abnormal. Nothing about life as a ministry leader--from it's emotional toll to relational demands and constant interruptions--is normal. Accepting that you are freak with a freakish life will help you not to freak out."

Have a freaky great Thanksgiving break!

Make New Friends...

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”
~ C. S. Lewis

Part of the fun in starting a new job is getting to meet new people and hopefully, make new friends. Part of the angst about starting a new job is that you have to start over meeting new people and trying to make friends! It feels a little like the first day being the new kid in a new school. You don't know the lay of the land yet--who is always pleasant, who is great one-on-one but not in a group (and visa versa), who will share their pencils freely, who doesn't like you to touch their stuff, who might just beat you up and take your milk money...you get the picture. All that takes time and interaction.

It can also be hard to let people know you. We tend to hold back a little-- fearful to show the real us until we feel safe that we will be accepted and liked for who we are. And if we've been burned in past friendships (at work or otherwise), the tendency to mask our authentic selves is even stronger. As I finish a second month at my new job, I feel like I'm finally letting down the mask a little bit and being myself. It feels good. Being myself is the thing I"m best at after all. So in the spirit of self-revelation, here's 5 things you might not know about me (I know, I know, it's a bit of a cliched blog thing--but I'm ok with being a bit cliched sometimes). Maybe one of them will make you say "What? You too?":

1. I hate coconut. It's one of the very few foods I dislike. Somewhere in my childhood there is the distinct memory of getting sick after eating coconut cake that has never left me. The fact that I really have only one food nemesis is telling in itself.

2. I did not have a full-time job until I was almost 40 years old. Now, I do consider being a stay-at-home mom working part-time the equivalent of a 40 hour a week job, and I did that for many years. But if we're talking really being gone 9-5 and having a boss and steady income full-time, I was a very late starter. As a side note, I also didn't start drinking coffee until I started working full time. I also didn't drink alcohol until about that time. Not sure about a direct correlation, but you be the judge.

3. I am not afraid of much of anything. No fear of heights, small spaces, snakes, crawly things, storms, etc. I don't like looking in mirrors at night--a leftover from some bad horror movie I saw when I was an adolescent--but I can do it.

4. I am really good at remembering the words to songs. My kids used to play a game where they would throw out a word and try to see if I could remember a song containing that word (try me, I dare you). I'm not sure if this comes from years of music lessons and singing in choirs or from too much easy listening radio and "Name That Tune" episodes as a child.

5. I have had some type of illness or physical malady most of my life. When I was young, I had severe allergies that led to sinus surgeries as a young adult. When I was newly married I had low back issues that weren't resolved until a recent surgery corrected the problem. When I trained and ran a half-marathon, I ended up with a tibial stress fracture. I've had carpal tunnel syndrome and surgeries to repair it. I've had endometriosis (sorry guys, I a 'female problem') that caused so much pain I had to have a hysterectomy in my early 30's. Through all this I've remained active--skiing, running, mountain biking, and hiking. I have a friend who used to say I was the "sickest healthy person" she'd ever met. As a mostly confident, self-assured personality, it's been annoying and frustrating and has kept me dependent on God. Maybe that's the point of it all. I've given up asking God why and instead just say to Him, 'stick with me here, ok?"

Bonus: Well, I just couldn't leave it at the last one--it was just toooo serious and pathetic!
I have seen almost every sci-fi movie made since the 80's. (The only exception would be those that lean heavily toward horror/slasher films, but I've even seen a few of those--see #3.)

So there you have it. A little mini-reveal of the real me--a little brave, a little broken, little nerdy. Now, please don't take my milk money. I just want to be your friend.

Let's Face It

A quote to consider as you smile or frown today...

"Nature gives you the face you have at 20. Life shapes the face you have at 30. But at 50 you get the face you deserve."
~ Coco Chanel

Learning is an Adventure

"We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong." ~Bill Vaughn, American columnist and author

The honeymoon is over as they say. New jobs, like new relationships, can be heady, exciting adventures at the start, especially for extroverted, sanguine personalities like mine. We love learning new things and getting to meet new people. I also enjoy learning new processes and systems in an organization, and like taking chaotic, messy processes and and creating ways for them to be clear and usable. I haven't always been able to articulate or even recognize that I enjoy these things. Getting to know yourself is one of the benefits of having a few extra years as a grown up.

Jumping into the inner workings of a large church has been full of these types of adventures. I also enjoy the unpredictable and never-know-what-you'll-be asked-to-do next atmosphere of the artistic area I work in. I might be off to purchase a bunch of items one day (like a bunch of yoga balls), participating in a creative planning meeting the next, and doing research online another day. I love the craziness of it.

But, (did you sense that coming?) it's not easy. It is hard to be thrown into a fast pace Christmas-planning-crazy environment where you are trying to keep up the pace, when you don't quite have your feet under you. Feeling like you are trying to learn the phone and computer systems, decipher workplace slang (what's a M.O.S.? a Crunch?), and simply learn people's names is a challenge. And there is always the need to just "learn" people. Body language and tone can tell you far more than words, but it takes time to be able to pick up on the individual dialects. Like taking residence in a foreign culture, there comes a point where the awe of observing and absorbing new sights and sounds starts to wear on you and you miss the familiar and routine of your homeland.

Last week I had a bad day. I misread some of the lingo and I let myself get overwhelmed by the language barrier. I got stressed out trying to keep up and look like I was a native when still need the map now and then! It's good to be reminded that I am not always going to get it the first time, and that the natives are pretty patient here. I'm learning something new every day and trying to embrace it as an adventure. Which is a good way to live life, not just work, I'm thinking.

It Costs Too Much!

"I think age is a very high price to pay for maturity."
~Tom Stoppard, British screenwriter and playwright

Viva la Vida...Together

"With a big chunk of the world still ahead on the "Viva la Vida..." tour, that means Martin and the rest of Coldplay have been and will continue to spend a lot of time together. 'We've just been getting closer and closer,' Martin says. 'I think because we're in this thing together, we're becoming more and more connected... First of all, we're each other's family, really, cause we know each other really well. And second, we go through everything together. To me it's the most safe environment I can think of, within the band."
~Chris Martin of Coldplay, quoted in the Oakland Press

We joined a new 'small group' last week. Our new church is large--at the main campus they have 4 services each weekend with attendance well into the thousands. So if you want to get to know people and develop deeper relationships, you need to join a small group. These groups meet at least once or twice a month. As the KCC website states: "Each group is unique and free to create its own format - the goal is that all small groups would experience life-changing community with a vision and purpose greater than themselves."

The group we chose is doing a study the church suggested-working through a video of the Life of John and discussing what we've seen over a shared meal. It is a mixed group-married, single, and married but attending alone. We felt welcomed and comfortable with the study and the group, but it will take time to feel the connectedness that we desire. Yes, we are Christian "brothers and sisters", which gives us a tremendous head start, but it's still hard to start over. We've been a part of several groups over the years with our former church, and in the most recent groups, we already knew everyone fairly well.

Our new group is planning to do a service project soon, which I'm looking forward to--there's nothing like working toward a "purpose greater than ourselves" to draw us closer to each other. It will take time to get to the point where we feel like friends, and-hopefully-eventually like family. It's worth it though, because we all need a "band" of people that helping us to"viva la vida" or in English..."live the life."