My Dear Body!

"Why, I say, should I ever have bitterly blamed [my body] for such trifles as I have blamed it for: for having too much flesh in this spot, too little muscle in that, for producing this wrinkle, that sag, that gray hair, or this texture? Dear body! My dear body! It has gone about its incessant business with very little thanks." ~Janet Burroway, quoted in O Magazine

Oh, but I am "bitterly blaming" it tonight. But not for trifles. Actually, after going to my mini-reunion Memorial weekend and seeing a few friends I went to school with 25 years ago, I felt like thanking it for holding up pretty well. There were no more wrinkles, sags or grays than anyone else--less than some. At the very least, I felt comfortable and confident in my body--something few of us feel when we are in our teens.

No, the outward 'trifles' are not giving me pain, but the inner workings are incessant in their complaints. For months now, I have been living with a nagging and restless pain in my neck and shoulder. Diagnosed at first as a pinched nerve in my elbow, then as muscular shoulder problems, and now as a damaged joint at the bottom of my neck, finding the source has felt like trying to hit a bullseye at a carnival. You think you've got the right pitch to score the big teddy bear, but there's something fishy about the whole set up that makes it just about impossible. Some days it feels like the doctors are about as competent as the 'carnies' running the midway, and I'm stuck going from booth to booth and giving out more money. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have a serious life-threatening illness.

I won't give you the boring details. I won't go into the emotional flare-ups that this sometimes ignites at times due to growing up with a parent who suffered chronic pain. I will say that God is there in the midst of it and it does keep me clinging, complaining, crying, and trusting Him when it gets to be too wearing.

It is why I haven't been writing much lately (well, that and I big women's event that I helped put on at my church). Physically, it's just not very good to be on the computer any more than I have to be. Mentally though, I'm missing the creative outlet. So, I plan to get going again. (Maybe it will inspire me to be more concise!) If you talk to God on a regular basis, mention me when you think of it.